Dishonorable Discharge
by icynovas
Summary: Seeking a new career, infantryman Cloud Strife attempts to get fired from ShinRa.
1. Chapter 1

this was written to cheer myself up. there wasn't some deep thinking behind it (just look at the chapter titles) so don't take it seriously. like at all. it's set in a canon-divergent au where nibelheim didn't happen in the year 0007 or so (basically, og's time). it's also set in the same verse as 'Access Denied' but you don't have to read that to understand this. just a heads up that the fic might get referenced in one of these shots.

* * *

**Dishonorable Discharge**

Making Coffee

* * *

There were few things Cloud learned in the seven years he worked for ShinRa Inc.

One of them was that, upon signing a contract the day of enrolling, an individual couldn't simply quit from ShinRa, and those who tried sneaking away had to spend the rest of their lives sleeping with one eye open.

Which sucked because Cloud really fucking _hated_ being an infantryman. The job was draining the life out of him like a succubus - a rather cheap succubus with political propaganda and lawyers and supervisors who provided less than decent work-conditions for those of lower rank like himself.

He was long since past dreaming of being better, special, among the ranks of SOLDIER. That destiny wasn't for him, no, but neither did putting up with Heidegger's shitty laugh and shittier paycheck.

It hit him like a meteor, an epiphany unlike any other, seeing the posters and the ads of the newly-built Gold Saucer, the land of all known and unknown entertainment. It would be the harbinger of many gambling-related bankruptcies, Cloud knew, but it would also be the start of his new career.

Chocobo racing.

A decent chocobo racer could lead a steady life, and the better the racer, the more money they could get.

Cloud could almost picture it, a small but nicely-built house at the sunny Costa del Sol with a nicer beach-view. He and his mother could live there, away from Nibelheim and the coldness of its mountains and residents. She would no longer worry about how he was doing all alone in a strange city, and he would no longer worry about her living alone in a town where everyone shunned her.

But how could he get a way out of ShinRa without fearing the Turks hunting him or his mother down?

The answer came in Mills, a fellow infantryman who was always put on kitchen-duty for some reason. Cloud saw him sighing dejectedly over a quickly-packed bag, wearing casual clothes instead of his uniform.

Mills looked up when he approached. "Yo, Strife, you know what time it is?"

"It's eight." He couldn't hide his curiosity about the other's unusual appearance and asked, not bothering to beat around the bush, "What's wrong?"

"I got dishonorably discharged." Mills sighed even more, an impressive feat. "I'll get back to live with my parents again, can you fucking believe that shit?"

Although Cloud wanted to ask - dishonorably discharged? Did such concept exist in ShinRa? - he left Mills alone, opting to research to find answers instead of bothering him.

As his research confirmed, such concept did exist in ShinRa. Apparently, one couldn't quit from the company but they could get_ fired_ for one reason or another, just as long as it wasn't an outright act of treason. That was another story - filled with Turks, SOLDIERs, and a fate worse than death.

Interesting. Very, _very _interesting.

* * *

Because infantrymen were at the bottom of the food chain - janitors being directly above them - Cloud was used to being tasked to all sorts of mundane duties.

Making coffee was new, though.

"Listen up, kid-" a red-head Turk started.

"I'm twenty-one," Cloud was quick to monotonously interrupt.

"Congratulations, I don't give a shit." Cloud didn't like this guy. "Tseng likes his coffee black and with a half a tea-spoon of sugar. Get it, a half. Exactly a half. One divided by two _half._"

"Can you repeat that? I lost you at half."

The Turk chuckled before he abruptly stopped. "Do something funny and your days here will be over."

_I got dishonorably discharged_, Mills words came into mind then. "I'll do my best, sir."

* * *

Cloud made the coffee black, putting a _quarter_ tea-spoon of sugar in it.

* * *

The Turks made him stay in Tseng's office, probably to make sure he paid _dearly_ if he poisoned the coffee or something, which, honestly, worked greatly for his favor; the more people witnessed his failure to do the request right, the better.

The current leader of the Turks, Tseng, looked hesitant about sipping the coffee - Cloud was told it was because an infantryman made it this time. Which, uh, rude? - but when he finally did take the first sip and frowned, Cloud leaned forward.

"There's something strange about this coffee..." Tseng mused aloud.

Cloud felt many weapons pointed at his back. "Is it inadequate? A little bit... _bitter_, maybe?" Like the youth who had their dreams crushed by the harshness of reality?

Cloud didn't realize he said that last part aloud and with a hiss, momentarily distracted from his objective - not until Tseng shot him a confused look. "What?"

"Nothing," Cloud quickly dismissed, "just got a little personal is all, sir..."

Getting no further explanation, Tseng probably thought better than to address the subject and cleared his throat. "At any rate, no, your coffee is far from inadequate. It's the best coffee I ever had, actually." Tseng gave a slight smile at that, and the weapons weren't pointed at his back anymore. "You have to tell my men how you made it."

It would've been a nice discovery, to learn that the leader of the Turks was more pleasant than what rumors had told, if he wasn't getting a good recommendation from it, if he wasn't getting pats on the back from the Turks who were listening in when he got out _instead of being kicked out to freedom._

Maybe getting fired was trickier than what Cloud originally thought.


	2. Chapter 2

well i'm pretty fricking shocked by the attention this silly thing is receiving...

* * *

**Dishonorable Discharge**

Walking the Dog

* * *

Every couple of days a week or so, Cloud would get called to make Tseng a cup of coffee. Naturally, he tried doing something different with it every time, but for some reason, Tseng liked every single cup made, even the one he put fucking _vanilla extract _in.

"Why do you like the coffee I make so much?" Cloud decided to ask, because enough was enough and three weeks had passed and he still wasn't kicked out from ShinRa.

Tseng chuckled, sipping the coffee with serene contentment. "Quite honestly, I wasn't that much of a coffee person before you showed up. You're just that good, I suppose."

Behind the helmet he was forced to wear under all circumstances, Cloud's eyes were lifeless.

So far, Cloud couldn't come up with an idea to get himself fired. He wasn't really that good at purposefully screwing himself over; fucking up came to him naturally.

But he didn't need to think much, because the opportunity presented itself.

"Hey, coffee-guy! We have a job for you." The red-head Turk — that Cloud came to learn his name was Reno — wiggled his eyebrows at him. "It might even be your big break."

On paper, the job he was tasked with was guarding Rufus Shinra's guard-hound, Dark Nation — if he had the chance to ask Rufus Shinra one thing, it would be _why?_ — after being released from the medical wing.

In reality, Cloud concluded that he was to walk the dog.

Reno was smiling lopsidedly at him, and Cloud wondered if he was being genuine or just enjoying making him feel more dead inside. He'd prefer the latter, honestly.

So there he was, walking by Dark Nation's side, loosely holding his collar and having a somewhat one-sided conversation with him.

"Must be nice to be Rufus Shinra's dog, huh?"

He heard a growl in answer.

"You know, I'd be his dog, too. At least that way I'm guaranteed an insurance."

Dark Nation stopped so suddenly then. He tugged at his collar, seemingly wanting to be freed.

Of course, the right thing to do was to firmly and sternly tell him no, that it wouldn't do to let him loose in a military base to chase after whatever thing that got his attention.

But Cloud wanted to get fired, and there wasn't anyone that was going to be harmed… so he looked down at Dark Nation and smiled as he let the collar go. "Go wild, boy."

The loud sounds Cloud heard after the trail of mess Dark Nation left behind him were pure music.

* * *

Cloud waited for the fruits of his action to ripen, but they didn't even come to emerge from soil. He went on his way doing his daily duties and no one said a thing. Not a _single_ peep.

He was never more happy to see a person in the past seven years than when Reno showed up at one of the stations he was tasked to, but the happiness slowly faded when Reno handed him a cheque — thrice his paycheck, a nice addition to his meager savings — with a grin.

"What is this?" And why was no one in this damn company shipping him to Nibelheim already?

"A cheque," Reno answered helpfully, "personally signed by the VP himself."

Cloud tried his hardest to compose himself; there was no reason for negativity — there was still hope. "Is this some sort of a final paycheck thing?"

"Uh… no?" Reno looked at him in confusion, a mutual feeling since Cloud was pretty fucking confused himself. "VP thought it'd be nice to pay you back for taking care of Dark Nation so well. I swear that dog never looked happier."

"I let him loose," Cloud reminded, "in a_ military base_."

"Exactly!" Reno exclaimed with a laugh, lightly punching him on the shoulder. "No one did that before."

"How does this company operate, exactly?" was the only thing Cloud asked, so utterly at loss by the dismissal of his fuck-up.

* * *

The back of director Lazard's chair was facing him when the door of his office opened. It was just when Cloud approached his desk that the director spun the chair — rather dramatically, at that — to look at him in consideration.

"I've been expecting you," Lazard started.

"You asked for me to come here." Cloud was already done and they haven't started yet.

"Do you ever dream, Strife?" Lazard ignored him, there was no other way to explain it. "Of something so unattainable, so out of reach."

_My whole life is made of unattainable dreams,_ Cloud thought. "Sometimes," he said instead.

Standing up, Lazard started to pace, and Cloud's head followed him as he moved back and forth. "I have many unattainable dreams myself, like the SOLDIERs not making property damage with every mission they take, sweet cold revenge, and a decent cup of coffee."

Oh, Cloud knew where this was going.

"Now I've heard from some sources that you make that one _decent_ cup of coffee." And there it was. "May I ask you to make it for me? For something the Turks won't ever offer you."

"A health insurance?" Cloud perked up the slightest bit. Those motion-sickness pills were quite expensive. He'd take any help he could get.

Lazard laughed as if he heard the funniest joke he was ever told in his life. "Oh, you're _hilarious_, but no. I'm speaking more about productive missions."

"Of course." How could he be so foolish to think of getting something so absurdly valuable and vital as a health insurance from ShinRa?

"This is my card," Lazard said, putting said card right into his uniform's shirt pocket with a pleasant smile.

"I didn't say yes." Nor would he ever will.

"We'll keep in touch," was Lazard's reply, right before dismissing him to take a phone call.

Walking out of director Lazard's office, Cloud wondered if he'd come after him if he didn't show up again.

_"What do you mean they damaged the cannon again?!"_ was heard from Lazard's office, and Cloud concluded that he probably would, if the desperate edge in his voice was any indication.


	3. Chapter 3

thank you for those who reviewed and faved. it feels kinda surreal but still, thanks!

* * *

**Dishonorable Discharge**

Testing Robots

* * *

"I thought we had something special, Strife," Reno said, walking by his left to Tseng's office. By his right, Reno's partner, Rude, somehow appeared disappointed even if his facial expression didn't change.

"I make coffee for people above me in either rank or paycheck when asked," Cloud answered, "there's nothing special about it."

"Tseng called dibs on you first, though."

Rude nodded, supporting his partner's claim.

"The only one who can call dibs on me is Heidegger." And what a sad reality that was.

Reno and Rude visibly shuddered. "... _Besides_, what can SOLDIER offer you that the Turks can't?"

Rude perked up at that, waiting for an answer.

"_Not_ a health insurance," Cloud answered bitterly.

Weeks of making coffee for both Lazard and Tseng, Cloud was feeling hostility from both sides – each wanting to be the sole person he'd make coffee for.

It was like being stuck in a love triangle, except he was fought for his coffee rather than him as a person.

* * *

Despite their intense rivalry, the Public Maintenance department and the Weapons Development department were the ones that worked together the most – often borrowing resources from each other in a rare harmony unseen by other rival departments in ShinRa.

It was one of the days where the head of the Weapons Development department, Scarlet, asked Heidegger for some infantrymen to test her latest creations on, and Cloud was among the ones sent.

"Man, I love getting assigned here," an infantryman beside him whispered to him. "Scarlet looks lovely when she's yelling at us, right, Strife?"

"Do I know you?" was Cloud's only response.

Before the other could confirm Cloud's belief that they indeed didn't know each other – at least Cloud didn't, and that was enough in itself – Scarlet showed up, splitting them to their duties.

"... and Strife, you'll be testing the roboguards." She looked up from her clipboard, waiting in disinterest for one of the faceless infantrymen to step up. "Follow me."

Cloud heard a 'lucky bastard' coming from behind him as he followed Scarlet, barely holding back a yawn – Lazard kept him all night making him coffee while he worked on many stacks of paperwork. (After Lazard heavily praised his strawberry-added coffee, Cloud gave up on trying to mess up).

Scarlet handed him a microphone and a paper upon reaching an area where one huge roboguard was surrounded by much smaller ones. "We're testing the AI of the regular roboguards. Your task is to command these instructions while they're engaging in combat. Understood?"

"Yes, sir." It would take an incompetent fool not to follow these simple ints-

Oh.

_Oh._

He didn't even mind it when Scarlet left him in the middle of the roboguards' battle, retreating behind protective glass along with researchers who were recording data. Instead, he briefly thought of Costa del Sol's golden beaches before snapping out of it and commanding the first of the given instructions. He did every one so far right – it would be too suspicious to mess up from the start – until he reached the final and most important instruction, bolded and capitalized.

_"**DON'T ATTACK WHILE THE TAIL IS UP!"**_

"Attack while the tail is up," Cloud commanded.

The roboguards followed his instructions and attacked, and were immediately destroyed by the bigger as a result.

_I better pack my stuff,_ he mused gleefully upon seeing the astonished expressions on Scarlet and the researchers' faces, mouths agape as they witnessed the eradication of half of their forces. _Wouldn't want to miss the ferry._

"You fool!" one of the researchers exclaimed, taking him by the shirt and shaking him furiously. Cloud was far too pleased with himself to punch him on the face for laying a finger on him. "You cost us millions! _Millions!_"

"Would apologizing make up for it?"

"_No!_"

Cloud shrugged, taking the researcher's hands off him. "Oh, well..."

There were many calls for Scarlet to get him kicked out of the company, but Scarlet had a thoughtful expression on her face instead of a livid one.

Cloud's glee immediately turned into dread.

"The roboguards were programmed _specifically_ to go against orders that would endanger them," Scarlet started, "they were also programmed with information about the rest of our weapons; it shouldn't have been an option for them to attack."

"And yet, when Strife ordered them to, they attacked. That proves something in the AI is amiss like I was suspecting." She smirked. "This isn't a case of you messing up, is it? You were doing well before that point."

"No, I messed up," Cloud insisted, seeing where she was going with this. "I messed up _horribly_."

Scarlet waved his protests off dismissively. "No need to be so modest. I'll tell Heidegger to give you a raise." And with that, she left, not leaving Cloud the chance to object further.

The infantryman from before was loudly bemoaning about the unfairness of the fact that Scarlet smirked at him, but Cloud couldn't care less about it, still in disbelief over how such a golden opportunity was taken so cruelly from his hands.


	4. Chapter 4

and now for something completely (or not) different.

* * *

**Dishonorable Discharge**

The Barber's

* * *

Something strange was going on, Heidegger mused to himself as he watched the Turk and SOLDIER directors interacting...

"I see that the Turks are as privileged as ever."

"And I see that SOLDIER still take our scraps so eagerly."

... it was like observing two cats seizing each other up for a fight.

Lazard merely smiled as his eyes threw poison. Tseng ignored it, instead opting to welcome Heidegger into the boardroom.

_What is he up to?_ Tseng preferred to think of him and his department as though they never existed, so to acknowledge his existence now was highly _suspicious_.

"Heidegger, my good friend!" Lazard exclaimed, taking his attention from Tseng – who Heidegger could've sworn was glaring daggers at the other. "I have a proposal I'd like to discuss with you." Did he and Lazard ever speak to each other? Heidegger thought no, they definitely didn't.

"If this is about that take-a-department-head-as-your-date event on Friday night, you're late. Scarlet already asked me." It was better for him to come forward with it, before the situation grew awkward.

"That's..." Tseng started.

"...not it, though," Lazard finished.

It almost made his cold, old heart warm to see such display of matched bafflement. "And since you two are already getting along enough to finish each other's sentences, I think you're already set."

He pretended to get called by Reeve and left them. Of course, everyone knew that him not liking Reeve was an _understatement_, but he guessed in their rejected state, Lazard and Tseng wouldn't pay attention to his excuse.

* * *

"As you know, mako-injections are made in doses until the subject's body reaches a certain level where it won't need any further enhancement. The mako-injections have some side-effects and the subjects often need some looking after; in order to make sure they won't do anything they'll regret in their altered state. So for this day, you'll look after a SOLDIER until he sobers up."

"Is this what you mean by productive missions?" was all what Cloud asked after listening to Lazard's briefing. "Because I feel cheated." He expected something more... _grand_. Then again, with his luck he should've expected it, for getting his hopes up.

Lazard gave him that ever-pleasant smile, and it gave Cloud the insistent feeling that he was being mocked.

Finding the SOLDIER wasn't an issue; apparently, this Zack Fair character was well-known enough among SOLDIER's ranks. The name _did_ sound familiar - Cloud probably overheard it in the conversations of the passersby.

His target was... squatting.

"Sir?" It was strangely impressive, Cloud couldn't help but note as he followed the SOLDIER's movement, how the guy just kept squatting up and down, up and down, not seeming to tire or at least get bored any time soon.

Zack turned his way, sighing in something akin to annoyance upon seeing the document specifying what Cloud was here for. "How many times do I need to tell Lazard not to send any of you guys. I'm _perfectly_ functional; the injections hardly affect me anymore."

Lovely. Just lovely. "Well, I'm here now, so you might as well tolerate it." It wasn't like _this_ was his idea of how he'd spend his only day off - Cloud was so going to ignore Lazard's calls. At least Tseng had the enough decency to never request his services on times like these.

"I'm in control of my actions, though," Zack insisted. "Totally sober."

It was thirty minutes later when Zack, quite loudly, proclaimed his ever-lasting love for Cloud's helmet.

"_Totally_," Cloud snorted, utterly amused as he swatted Zack's attempts at caressing his helmet.

Admittedly, Zack wasn't really much of a trouble to watch over. Cloud only had to steady him whenever he swayed in his walk, and then listen to him chatter about the most random of subjects. Judging from the stories he heard, it seemed like Zack was actually better than most who were far less docile in this state.

"Do you think I'd look hot with a side-cut?" as sudden as every subject Zack started, this wasn't any different. "I think I'd look hot with a side-cut."

"Side-cuts have their appeal," Cloud mused, rolling with it, once again straightening Zack up.

"My friends say I'd look silly, but I say fuck it, I'm getting it later."

A side-cut would look ridiculous with hair as spiky as Zack's. If he ever got it in this state, he'd surely regret it once he sob-

"Why not get a cut now?" Cloud suggested.

* * *

Cloud was actually rather impressed with himself, pulling away from Zack to look at his handy work.

The cut wasn't bad, not that bad at all. Given that he had no experience whatsoever in this, the end-result was decent. Still, Cloud was pretty sure Zack would be pissed once he realized what he did nonetheless. He _depended_ on it.

"How do I look?" Zack asked, still a bit dazed by the effects of Mako.

"Like a ticket to my freedom," Cloud answered.

Zack blinked. "What?"

So Cloud attempted again. "Like a rock-star?"

"_Nice_."

* * *

Three days had passed since Cloud dropped off Zack at his apartment, and while he heard nothing from him, Cloud was counting the days until he finally got out of this hellhole.

When a fellow infantryman told him that Zack was asking about his whereabouts, Cloud knew this was the day.

"Hey!" Zack grinned at him when he showed up, and Cloud was simply confused. Maybe Zack was one of those people who hid their anger behind a smile? "I was looking all over for you."

"For what?" Ah yes, playing ignorant, a sure way to bring anyone's anger into surface.

But then Zack's arm wrapped around his shoulders. Cloud looked at it in open alarm, wanting to ask why Zack was still smiling at him. "I needed to thank you for giving me this neat cut."

No, no, no, _no._

"Aren't you mad?" Cloud asked, utterly at disbelief. "I did it while you were out of it," he insisted, almost desperately. If anyone were to see his eyes behind the helmet, they'd see the pleading in them.

"Nah, it's cool. I've been wanting to get a side-cut for a while now but I backed out on it every time, so I needed the push. _Besides,_" he punched him lightly on the shoulder, "Even if it was a prank, I forgive you."

For fuck's sake, now he felt guilty as shit. "As much as I'm grateful, I think I need to pay for my offense." This was not part of the plan.

"I spoke with Lazard, and given how my side-cut gained more publicity for SOLDIER - my fanclub has more than one hundred members now, by the way, one _hundred_ \- all is good. You're getting some gil for it, even."

_Hate me._ Maybe the request would reach Zack if he focused his all in conveying it.

But it seemed his efforts were useless; Zack was still friendly to him. "Let's get some pizza! I know just the place..."

* * *

A week later, Cloud turned to the infantryman who was guarding along with him and said, "I think I gained... a friend?"

The infantryman smiled at that, giving him a proud pat on the back. "See? When you stop being a little shit for ten minutes, this is what happens."

"It's not the point." The point was that somehow, he was miraculously getting saved from being fired.

"Friendship is _always_ the point, Strife."


	5. Chapter 5

Holy shit, you guys...

* * *

**Dishonorable Discharge**

The Interview

* * *

Normally, Cloud wasn't opposed to people's idle habits, but something about the frantic pacing of the infantryman he was on night-watch with – Francis? Frank? - got him incredibly curious. "What's wrong?"

Francis – or Frank – looked incredibly relieved to be asked. "I'm really nervous about the interview I'm assigned to take."

"Interview?"

And then Francis – Cloud was _very_ sure his name was Francis – went on a lengthy explanation.

The gist of it was: a group of six infantrymen was assigned to interview a ShinRa executive or officer at the end of every month. Each month meant a different infantryman until the cycle began anew, and each interview would be published to the public via newspapers. It was an attempt at making the public feel closer to the company, which Cloud called bullshit on.

"Tomorrow, I'm assigned to interview _Hojo_."

Oh. "Good luck," was the only thing Cloud managed to say, convinced for once that someone's luck was shittier than his own. He didn't hear a lot about the head of the Science Department, but the few things he did hear about him weren't good _at all._

His lackluster attempt at comforting went unnoticed and Francis seemed even more nervous and fidgety. "I'm freaking out! What if I messed up?" Cloud wasn't sure if that was what Francis should be worried about most. "What if it got me fired? I can't do it! I just can't!"

Cloud's thoughts reached to a screeching halt. "You can get fired from this?"

"Yeah! Asking unprofessional questions will lead to an immediate dishonorable discharge, it's nonnegotiable."

At that, Cloud embraced Francis with all he had, his voice full of adoration as he spoke, "Francis, you are a precious _gift_."

"Thank… you?" Francis replied back, blushing the slightest bit. Cloud probably embarrassed him. "My name is Bill, though..."

Shit. "You're Francis in my heart…?" To change the subject from his horrible name-remembering skills, Cloud started, "You know, I can take your place and interview Hojo myself if you want."

The joy on Fr—_Bill's_ face was unmatched.

* * *

Zack hounded him. The Turks and Lazard as well. They all advised him of things he should never ask Hojo about, making him promise and even sign paperwork to stay his most professional.

"You don't even have to do this, though. We can get another sucker in your place."

While Cloud appreciated the concern – was surprised at how many were even concerned – this chance couldn't be wasted.

For his part, Hojo looked utterly disinterested, answering his questions with boredom and looking as though he couldn't wait to get this over with. Bill had nothing to worry about, it seemed.

After a couple of more professional questions, Cloud went in for the kill. "So let's cut the chit-chat, Professor and answer me this: why do many find you completely irresistible?"

Hojo was… _surprised_ to say the least. Cloud was prepared to be hauled out and shipped to the nearest backwater town.

But then Hojo smirked, amused. "It's the lab-coat."

Baffled, Cloud merely uttered, "What?"

Hojo didn't look bored at all now; instead he seemed on the verge of laughing. "The ladies find a science-man attractive, I've been told. A lab-coat is a clear sign of profession. You're free to take one from the labs, though I can't assure the results."

Cloud was speechless.

* * *

Bill thanked him tearfully, stars in his eyes. "You're amazing. Truly one of a kind."

Cloud still had his job. He got a new raise given from the Publicity Department – he didn't even know that one existed – and apparently, he gained yet another new friend.

Something was seriously going wrong here.

It was another morning and another cup of coffee he would deliver to Tseng, Reno and Rude walking along with him. "Hey Strife, you didn't have to ask _fucking Hojo_ for tips when you have us. Rude got some awesome technique that will make everyone all over you."

"It's foolproof," Rude confirmed.

* * *

"Genesis, get a glass of water. I think Sephiroth is dying." Angeal didn't know what, exactly, prompted Sephiroth to choke on his tea, but it all started after he read the morning-newspaper.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm really overwhelmed by your support. Thank you so much!

* * *

**Dishonorable Discharge**

Instant Message

* * *

Out of inspiration for the time, Cloud decided to delve into the world-web, hoping with his all there was at least an absurd, wild story about a former employee of ShinRa making it big in another line of business.

After going through many sites, the joking and the shady, Cloud managed to contact a man under the pen-name of _theabysscallsforme. _Cloud wouldn't deny staring at the pen-name for a solid ten minutes before he replied, ignoring the insistent urge to _ask_. Abyss was the first person he found after weeks of searching and he wasn't going to turn him away merely because of his ridiculous choices.

It took a while to confirm that Abyss was indeed a former employee of ShinRa – during which Cloud came to get familiar enough with the man to notice that he spoke like he came from a completely different _era_. Cloud remembered the conversation that cemented it:

**_lookingforawayout:_**_ so you got dishonorably discharged?_

_**theabysscallsforme:** Well, ShinRa did erase my existence._

Today was the day he'd ask Abyss for a portion of his wealth of wisdom. Anticipation ignited in him, wondering what elusive ways his pen-pal – because after exchanging recommendations for movies and songs, that was _exactly_ what they were – had for him.

_**lookingforawayout:** how did you get fired from ShinRa?_

_**theabysscallsforme:** I was shot._

_**lookingforawayout:** … _

_**lookingforawayout:** down? __as in rejected?_

_**theabysscallsforme:** Not really. Shot as in point-blank. From a gun. By a man I have many scores to settle with._

_**theabysscallsforme:** I was then revived by my dear partner using materia. Of course that had its consequences; the demons are rather annoying. _

_**lookingforawayout:** … _

_**lookingforawayout:** …_

_**lookingforawayout:** yeah, is there any other way that's less… any of that?_

_**theabysscallsforme:** Hmm, my partner had herself caged in a crystal for decades but luckily, she did get out a few years ago. _

_**theabysscallsforme:** Other than that, no. I don't have anything of worth regarding this subject. _

_**theabysscallsforme:** I do have recommendations for other classic songs that suit your tastes, though._

Cloud ended up liking the songs a lot. He listened to them as he lay down staring at the ceiling of his small apartment, thinking of the futility of all of this.

* * *

"Strife, my son! Come in, come in!" Never in his most horrible of nightmares did Cloud imagine Heidegger welcoming him warmly into his office. It was downright surreal and Cloud wondered what he had done to deserve such suffering. Surely it wasn't just because of his last name, right?

Heidegger then began telling his life-story, which Cloud had absolutely zero interest in hearing a word of it. "… and as you know, people underestimate me. Perhaps it's because of my old age…"

"Or maybe because of your shitty laugh," Cloud muttered under his breath.

"… and ways, not realizing that I'm not as idiotic as they think. Take the director of SOLDIER and the head of the Turks, for example. They look down on my department constantly! But with you here," there was a concerning gleam in Heidegger's eyes as he placed his hand on Cloud's shoulder, "I'll finally have the upper hand!"

"You're going to cause war and strife between their lines." That fucking pun was shameless, as if Cloud didn't have enough reasons to loathe Heidegger's existence already. "Oh, the pure unadulterated joy I'll gain from having them begging me to give you away to their ranks! The glee that'll fill my core every time my orders override theirs and have you making me a cup coffee all day, it is most exqui-"

"What will I get from this?" Cloud asked, interrupting Heidegger's villainous speech. Maybe he could get Heidegger to fire him if he pulled the right strings.

"Anything you want, my boy. You're my most valuable person at the moment. I'll _never_ let you go, that's for sure!" Damn it.

But wait. "How about a h—"

"Except for a health insurance, of course." Heidegger waved off dismissively, brutally crushing the little hope Cloud had. "I'm not_ that_ desperate."

"Of course…" Cloud repeated dully.

* * *

When Lazard and Tseng both went to Heidegger's office, he took one look at them before laughing hysterically as he shut the door in their faces.

"How did we fall so low?" Tseng asked, melancholic.

"Excellent coffee is hard to come by these days," Lazard answered, grimness and despair clear in his eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

S'up! Long time no see :D

* * *

**Dishonorable Discharge**

VR Shenanigans

* * *

It was another workday for Cloud, fighting off the usual sleep-deprivation. And just when he thought the day would pass like all the others, Heidegger asked him, "Why didn't you tell me that you are on good terms with Hojo?"

"Because I'm not on good terms with Hojo," Cloud answered, baffled at the absurdity of the thought.

"His request for your assistance says otherwise."

* * *

_"Due to a lack of lab technicians available at the moment, you've been asked to monitor the training of SOLDIERs at the VR room."_

Standing before a data board with far too many buttons and screens, Cloud was comforted to know he wasn't obligated to learn what they did; a lab technician already made the settings since yesterday. All what Cloud had to do was pressing a single button to end the simulation if needed. _Nothing else. _

Of course, when he saw just _whose _training he was tasked to monitor, _who_ walked into the VR room, an idea formed in his mind as he broke into a bright smile, and every thought of following the simple instructions given to him vanished.

Perhaps Zack was too friendly to have him end up in Nibelheim, discharged without a second thought, but SOLDIERs First Class Sephiroth, Angeal, and Genesis?

It was a goldmine.

* * *

When they heard music, a cheerful jingle too out of the place to belong to a training session, they knew something was wrong. A sunny sky, a peaceful field, and dread was starting to build up in their very souls.

And then there were froglike creatures in robes, holding lanterns and knives, beady yellow eyes somehow giving them a feel of _blood-lust._

"Tonberries?" Sephiroth mused aloud, frowning.

None of them fought a tonberry before. The creature was rarely found in reality, and quite frankly, less grand to choose to fight virtually. And with the difficulty level set to the highest number, everything in this situation screamed _'Abort, Abort! Fucking run!'_

When the tonberry attacked, they were too busy fighting for their lives to conclude which one of them screamed.

* * *

After overcoming that ordeal – with haunted looks in their eyes that told enough about their terror - there were moogles. Moogles and moogles as far as the eye could see, all chasing relentlessly after them for _cuddles._

"This is despair."

* * *

"This is joy," Cloud mused, finally having a shred of mercy in his dark soul and letting the three out.

They couldn't see him, as he was in a separated room from the one they were currently in, but judging from their expressions, he knew it was a matter of time before they figured out who was responsible. With their positions, it would eventually lead him to get gloriously fired.

* * *

"Don't worry, Strife. I defended you," Heidegger started upon being handed his morning coffee.

"From what?" It was far too early to be this confused.

"Those elite SOLDIERs, you know the ones, filed a complaint about your performance in the latest assignment you took."

"And they didn't _listen _to you, right?" Cloud asked, absolutely desperate for hope.

Heidegger scoffed, offended. "What do you take me for? Of course they did! I'm not going to lie and say it was easy; the little shits did their homework right, proving you broke conducts by disregarding the instructions by checking the settings again with the lab technician, but I managed. Lazard and Tseng supported me as well."

"Do you know the training session you monitored is the only one where those three didn't break the VR room? You saved ShinRa _millions. _President Shinra himself asked me to give you a raise."

_Of-fucking-course._

* * *

Out of Heidegger's office, Cloud found the Elite Three in his way.

"Elite Three?" Cloud repeated aloud, and then he laughed, uncontrollable with how _angry_ he was by yet another failure. "_Elite Three my ass. _What's the use of all that power if you can't get one guy fired?"

Without hearing a reply, he walked away, leaving the three to look in confusion at each other.

He honestly thought he _did it_ this time.


	8. Chapter 8

you guys rock ;]

* * *

**Dishonorable Discharge**

Tailing

* * *

_"Are you starving yourself to send me extra cash again?"_

For the last few weeks, Cloud missed out on his weekly call to Nibelheim due to increased shifts and missions – all of them pointless, if he were to be frank. His mother wasn't happy about it, but she understood. However, she had _questions_, and when he finally got to call her, she didn't think twice before asking. "No, Ma. Everything is all right, I'm just getting raises."

_"Raises?"_ Surprise and confusion were evident in her voice. _"You know, I don't think this whole trying-to-get-fired scheme is working out for you."_

"It will work." Or he'd _die_ trying.

_"So it's not a money issue, huh. I had my suspicions."_ It always made him awed, how observant his mother was.

"Yeah…" It wasn't about the money. It was a matter of principle, a matter of pride, a matter of not allowing ShinRa to suck on his soul to retain a figurative immortality anymore.

Cloud remembered that nightmare he had, of him sitting, bewildered, in President Shinra's place, everyone else waiting with bated breath on his orders.

He _vowed_ that vision would never find its way to reality.

* * *

Cloud had been into Midgar a few times. He never liked the city; too industrial, too _ShinRa._

Features indifferent, Cloud listened to the briefing of his latest mission there, one that he was apparently _privileged_ to get assigned to.

"Only the Turks handled this before," Reno told him. "But we trust ya." The declaration might've been heart-whelming to receive if it weren't for the fact that he had absolutely no need or desire for that trust.

On paper, he was supposed to watch over a young woman named Aerith Gainsborough for three days. But all what Cloud thought of was that he was being tasked to follow Aerith around like a creeper.

Well, it wasn't as if he cared for following orders…

Entering a church located in the Slum's Sector Five, Cloud saw a woman that was most probably Aerith tending to a… flower-bed? In _Midgar?_ He decided to forgo his confusion to greet Aerith, who looked at him all tense and wary, probably due to the uniform, "Hello."

"… hello," she replied.

Deeming this interaction enough for the day, Cloud laid himself on one of the church's many seats. Damn, it felt so much better than his bed.

"I'm leaving now…" Aerith said after a while, just when he was about to give in to sleep.

Sleepily, Cloud waved a hand. "Goodnight." Or morning, or afternoon; you never really _knew_ with Midgar's Slums.

And the first day passed by, just like that.

* * *

This mission was like hitting two birds with one stone. He wasn't following orders, and he was catching up to some needed sleep.

After an exchange of greetings, Cloud went on the motions to repeat his actions of the day before. And again, just when he was about to let sleep take him into its loving embrace, he felt someone standing over him – a clear of throat, and he cracked one eye open.

Aerith had her hands on her hips, staring down at him in a combination of confusion, caution, astonishment and irritation. "You didn't follow me yesterday. Don't deny it, I _checked_."

Cloud didn't see what the problem was here. "Yeah, so?" he asked, and it was half swallowed by his yawn.

The irritation and caution in Aerith's eyes faltered. "Don't your orders entail you to follow me around like a creeper?"

So it wasn't_ just him_ who thought that. "That's assuming I care about following orders or ShinRa."

"You… don't?"

"Couldn't give less shit."

"Oh…" and then she left, only to return to throw a blanket on him. "In that case, goodnight."

* * *

The third day, Aerith greeted him first, and with a bright smile at that. Cloud was admittedly confused about it, but not as confused as the _flower-bed_ made him.

"_How?_" Cloud asked, deciding to delay his nap to get an answer, pointing at the colorful flowers, so full of life despite growing in Midgar.

"Beats me." Aerith shrugged. "I just tend to them."

Cloud had seen the basket Aerith carried, so he guessed she made all this a business. Good strategic move, honestly. "How much do you sell a flower?" Could he send one to Nibelheim? Probably not; it wouldn't survive the shitty postal system, but maybe… "Do you sell them dried?"

Aerith positively _beamed._ "You've come to the right place."

Somehow, he ended up helping Aerith around the church, escorting her home and meeting her mother, and then receiving a nice set of dried flowers along with scented cards, and for cheap too – none of the pricey bullshit gift-shops above the Plate were known for.

_Somehow_, Aerith started to join in on the gatherings Bill and Zack made, and had gotten along fabulously with both.

It was… _nice_, being among a group.

* * *

Tseng read his report with utmost attention. Cloud anticipated a verbal beat-down.

Finally done, Tseng looked at him and spoke, "You took an approach no Turk thought of before. You actually befriended the target in a few days. This is…"

Why wasn't he yelling? Why was no one _yelling?_

"… phenomenal."

"Don't do this to me," Cloud pleaded, but it seemed as if he and Tseng were having two completely different conversations.

"If only you were a Turk…" Tseng sighed, in such a way Cloud _refused_ to admit was wistful.

What was he doing wrong? No, seriously, _what?_


	9. Chapter 9

so i vowed to work more on this fic this month...

* * *

**Dishonorable Discharge**

Constructive Criticism

* * *

Cloud was brewing coffee when a young woman entered, standing right next to him, observing him curiously, as if analyzing every movement he made, every spoonful of sugar he put in the cup. She wore the dark suit of the Turks, so she must be a member of the department. He never saw her before, but then again, it wasn't like he memorized every Turk there was.

"I'm Elena," she started, offering a hand. "This is my first day, but I heard a lot about you."

_Like what?_ Cloud wanted to ask, but he opted to take her hand for a shake instead. "Cloud."

Just before he took the coffee to Tseng, Elena beat him to it, taking a sip… and then making a face. "Are you actually going to give this to Tseng?"

"Yeah?"

Elena set the coffee back on the table, disapproval clear in her features. "No offense, but your coffee _sucks_."

Cloud _stared_; so long that Elena smiled apologetically, giving him a comforting pat. "Sorry, but it's true."

"You're too good for ShinRa," Cloud breathed, once he took it all in. Someone in this miserable company saw reason, logic. What a time to be alive in.

"Are… are you hitting on me?" was Elena's response, confused about his elation.

"Why hit on you when I can praise you for single-handedly restoring my faith in common sense?"

Elena squinted her eyes. "Is that a no?"

Later on, after witnessing Tseng indulging in every sip of the coffee Elena personally labeled as 'unsuitable for human consumption', she looked at Cloud in astonishment. "He actually drank it. I literally saw you adding strawberry syrup to it—_what the fuck?"_

"Welcome to my world," Cloud said, grim and solemn.

* * *

"… and then the VP was sweating like hell, so I suggested for him to take off his coat. When he did, there was _another _damn coat underneath. I asked him why he wore so many layers, and Rude told me to shut up. So many fucking _layers _and we were at _Costa del Sol_, in the middle of summer!"

Cloud waited for Elena to finish before he asked, "Okay, I get that, but what does it have to do with becoming friends?"

"Because we need to stick together, Cloudy!"

"Don't call me that."

Elena ignored him. "We're the only ones who make sense in this company. If we remained separated, we will be driven pissed enough to consider burning this building to the ground."

"Too late for that," Cloud muttered under his breath.

Still, it proved to be beneficial, befriending Elena. They frequently shared their ShinRa-induced woes with each other, somehow taking comfort from their mutual suffering. He even shared his scheme to get fired in a haze of drunkenness, to which she only reacted with deep admiration.

"Follow your dreams, Cloudy."

* * *

Everyone knew of Heidegger's distaste for Reeve Tuesti, so much that Reeve had to go through _President Shinra_ just to request a few units from the infantry division.

Doing a favor for Reeve would make Heidegger pissed - hopefully enough to fire him.

"Hello?" Reeve looked confused when Cloud showed up at his office. "What are you doing here?"

"As you know, the janitors are on a strike..." A rather successful one, at that. ShinRa was really caving in to their demands.

Reeve suspected nothing, or was perhaps one of those who didn't look at the gift horse's mouth. "Oh, okay then. Can you make me a cup of coffee?"

"_Of course_," Cloud practically purred. If things went out well enough…

"This is the most _delicious_ thing I ever tasted," Reeve said after taking a single sip, reverence in his voice. Cloud was theorizing that a higher position within ShinRa gave immunity against shitty coffee.

He wouldn't complain now, though; it did work to his advantage.

* * *

"I heard you were at Reeve's office yesterday, and Reeve himself confirmed it when he shamelessly asked for your coffee." Heidegger, as expected, was livid. Cloud couldn't be more ecstatic.

He had to play his part, however. "It's not what you think." He aimed for his tone to be mortified, full of anguish and guilt, instead he sounded as if he had a sour throat.

Heidegger raised a hand to stop further excuses. "Cease this! You were like a _son _to me!"

Well, that was a new one. "I'm sorry…?"

"Apology accepted."

It took a few blinks and stares for Cloud to comprehend what travesty Heidegger uttered. "I… But—_why?_ I did the unforgivable!"

"True." Heidegger sighed, and he had the gall to sound disappointed. "But I cherish you too much."

Yeah, it was good he befriended Elena.

"Save me from this despair consuming my soul," he started immediately when she picked up the phone.

_"You talk to your pen-pal too much, if you ask me,"_ came Elena's voice. _"Is it Heidegger again?"_


	10. Chapter 10

still can't believe this thing got 1k faves. i'm blessed.

* * *

**Dishonorable Discharge**

Making Enemies

* * *

Cloud didn't usually run into walls as he walked, but maybe he was tired, so much that he still couldn't comprehend from what dimension this wall appeared out of. It was warm and irregular and leathery and… it was Sephiroth. The wall was Sephiroth.

"Hello," Sephiroth greeted, mildly pleasant, as if he didn't run into him.

"Hello, sir," Cloud replied, stepping back and casually pretending the past few minutes never happened.

"Do you have a minute? I have something I'd like to discuss with you."

Heidegger expected him right this second. In fact, Cloud was late. "Sure, I'm free. What is it?"

Sephiroth glanced at his surroundings, spotting thirty different security cameras. "Not here. Follow me."

Curious, Cloud did.

* * *

Once they reached a more private location, Sephiroth turned to look at him. "I know what you're doing." He smirked. "I made an observation, and the VR incident isn't the first of your attempts. With Tseng, Lazard, Scarlet, Hojo, and Heidegger you were aiming for one goal."

"And that goal is?" Could it be…?

"You want to get fired," Sephiroth immediately answered.

A moment of silence fell between them. Cloud broke into a grin; his day made. "_Finally,_ someone figured it out! The world isn't worth forsaking yet."

Sephiroth looked positively baffled. "I expected a… different reaction from you."

"It's not like I'm making an effort to hide it." Cloud shrugged.

Sephiroth opened his mouth to say something but then closed it, opting to address other issues. "Well then, I want the same thing as well, and I'd like you to help me."

Cloud blinked. "_You_ want to get fired?"

"Along with few other SOLDIERs." Sephiroth waved off dismissively, as if he didn't just utter a bombshell.

Cloud blinked again, and then he started laughing. Laughing and laughing and _laughing_ until tears formed in his eyes, clutched his sides, fell on his knees on the floor.

"Are you done?" Sephiroth asked, annoyed.

Cloud barely managed to raise a hand, asking for another moment. After a solid seven minutes, Cloud got up. "Oh, Hel, you're _hilarious."_ Who knew Sephiroth had a killer sense of humor? Sliding a finger under his helmet to wipe away his tears, he asked with mirth, "No, seriously, what do you want?"

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "What I just asked you."

Cloud was shocked to the core. "Wait, what? You were actually serious about it?"

"Yes."

Stares were exchanged.

"No," Cloud answered.

"No?"

"No."

"Why?" Sephiroth decided to ask.

Cloud gestured at himself. "What do you see here?"

"A person."

"Thank you, at least you don't think the likes of me are part of the interior design." He was actually rather touched. Not enough to comply with Sephiroth's ridiculous request, though. "But no, I am but a humble-ass infantryman, yet I still didn't get fired and instead, I'm getting_ raises_. I'm barely managing by myself." At Sephiroth's silence, he continued, "I can't afford to have SOLDIERs joining in. This is a one man's ride, a lonely path."

"So that's it," Sephiroth said, expression unreadable.

"That's it," Cloud confirmed.

* * *

After enlisting the help of Turks, Cloud managed to get his hands on Mills's number. The moment Mills picked up the phone, Cloud asked, "Why did you get fired from ShinRa?"

_"Who is this?"_

"It's Strife. So why?"

_"Hey, Strife! How are things going on for you?"_

"Could be better, but still holding on. Your dishonorable discharge, _how_?"

_"Oh, that bullshit?"_ Finally. _"I just asked President Shinra if he could give us a health insurance because kitchen-duty got me all blistered, and you know how the pay doesn't allow for luxuries like ointments. Big mistake, it's like his berserk button or something."_

"Oh…"

He should've expected that. He really should've. What else was there to expect?

* * *

Assisted by fed-up employees, Cloud marched up to President Shinra's office with purpose. He slammed the door open as he announced, "Revolution is on the horizon."

"Who is this? Who let him in here?" President Shinra asked.

Rufus, who was there, waved a hand, quieting down his father's chatter. "Let him speak. This promises to be entertaining."

Ignoring them, Cloud went on with his theatrics. "As an infantryman, I've had it with being treated like a meat-shield. I've had it with being treated like a shitty holiday decoration. All of my fellow infantrymen do."

President Shinra looked more and more livid. _Excellent._ "Alright, wh—"

"Shhhhh," Rufus cut him off.

"We demand a health insurance!" Cloud declared.

"Get the_ fuck_ out of my office, you're fired!" was President Shinra's response.

"With extreme pleasure!" Cloud was about to get the _fuck_ out of President Shinra's office when he ran into a wal—Sephiroth.

"I'll send a card from the lovely beaches of Costa del Sol," Cloud greeted.

Sephiroth caught on. "You got fired?"

Before Cloud could answer, President Shinra shouted, "What is he still doing here? Get out!"

"Yeah, let me out," Cloud tried to push Sephiroth out of the way, but he didn't budge.

"What did he do?" Sephiroth asked.

"He requested for the _forbidden_."

Sephiroth gave Cloud a long look, before he slowly broke into a diabolical smirk. "We really do need to hand out health insurances, though. We don't live in ancient times. A more modern company would care."

"What are you doing?" Cloud lowly hissed.

"If I'm staying, you will stay as well," Sephiroth whispered.

"Is this because I refused to help you?"

"Yes."

"That's _petty_ as fuck ."

"Who said I'm above such thing?"

"He is right, you know," Rufus, so eager to defy his father, continued on for Sephiroth. "Our profits are going downhill because our employees lack the health to perform."

Arguments broke and in the end, the decision to give out health insurances was agreed upon and applied in a week's time.

Cloud was hailed as a hero.

* * *

Along with Sephiroth, Angeal and Genesis were peacefully eating lunch when an infantryman walked up to them and slammed his fist on their table. Despite the helmet, the glare he directed at Sephiroth was apparent, so much that it could _kill._ "I don't know when, I don't know how, but I'm going to fucking kill you."

The smile Sephiroth broke into was so pleasant it was terrifying. "Good afternoon, Cloud. How are you enjoying your heroic status?"

Instead of replying, the infantryman seemed to forgo his belated murder plans and start executing them right this second, but three Turks appeared to stop him, carrying him away. The fact that the infantryman gave them a hard time with that task was impressive, if a little unnerving.

"We're friends," Sephiroth answered their unasked question.

Still not out of hearing-range, the infantryman loudly denied as he struggled against his restraints, "I'd rather fucking _die_."

"It's complicated," Sephiroth explained.


	11. Chapter 11

who knew this fic could have something resembling a build-up?

* * *

**Dishonorable Discharge**

The Funeral

* * *

Coming out of Cloud's apartment, Elena found Reno and Rude waiting for her. "So… how's Cloud?"

Elena sighed heavily. "He's considering cannibalism."

Reno and Rude stared at her for a few moments, looked at each other, and then back at her. "We can think of something to help ou—"

"We are _not_ going to support our colleague's cannibalistic intentions," she interrupted, expression firm and absolutely _done_. "Just make sure he doesn't go anywhere near Sephiroth."

Reno and Rude looked visibly disappointed. To keep her ability to work with the two intact, Elena tried very hard not to think about the implications of their reaction. It wasn't worth losing her shit over.

* * *

Despite belonging to a hardly social guy, Cloud's PHS never seemed to go silent for long. It was one call after another, and Elena was getting tired of answering each one, assuring that Cloud was alright. She barely finished from assuring that SOLDIER, Fair, when the PHS signaled another call, this time from Aerith, a target of observation of the Turks.

"Cloud's fine," Elena said before Aerith could utter a single thing. "Sephiroth stopped him from getting fired and he's upset about it." Ha! Upset was putting it _lightly_. She didn't know what sorcery Cloud had used to get Sephiroth's number and then send him warnings of his demise, the creative ways he'd obliterate him, but it didn't matter. What mattered most was getting that PHS away from him before things escalated further.

So far, Aerith was the only one Elena told the true reason behind Cloud's current state, because she was one of the few individuals Cloud had shared his ambitions to leave ShinRa's ranks with. _"How upset are we talking about here?"_

"Enough to consider cannibalism."

_"Oh… I can ask Mom for a recip—"_

"I'll ignore that," Elena cut her off. "I'll ignore that because I'd like to keep the _good_ impression I have of you."

* * *

Three days later, Elena had enough. She took Cloud's shoulders and shook him strong enough that maybe, just _maybe_, it'd snap him out of this murderous haze. "Don't leave me to the wolves. Don't leave me to VP's endless layers of clothing and terrible naming taste—who the fuck names their pet _Dark Nation_? The poor thing doesn't deserve to suffer through this injustice his entire life! Then again, that's hardly the most nonsensical thing going on in this place. Do you know some executive owns a pet _Cactuar? Do you know I was tasked to guard it?_" She was getting off-track here. "You are the only one I can complain about this sort of things to. I missed your woes about Heidegger, I missed your weirdass schemes to get yourself out of here."

"I'm getting dizzy," was the only thing Cloud responded with, most probably because she was about to cause him a concussion, given how hard she shook him with every word she said.

"You can't give up," she said, finally letting go of him. Cloud immediately flopped on the floor. "Look at the bright side, everyone adores you now." At this point, the reasons she was giving felt hardly cohesive, but she didn't care, just as long as Cloud stopped thinking _murder _for one second.

"Everyone adores me?" Cloud asked, utterly baffled. Before Elena could say that yeah, he was the most beloved figure in ShinRa at the moment, Cloud's expression lit up like the sun with epiphany, a bright smile she didn't think it was possible for him to form painted on his lips. "Everyone adores me…" he repeated, dazed, and Elena was sure it wasn't because of the concussion.

"Thank you, Elena," he said, tone painfully sincere.

Elena would've been touched if it weren't for the fact that her pep-talk wasn't the thing responsible for the change in Cloud's state of mind. "For _what_?"

Cloud didn't answer. Instead, he asked, "Say, can you arrange a meeting with Rufus for me?"

* * *

Weeks later, in a grand hall filled with hundreds, hundreds more awaiting outside, all eyes were set on the open casket at the front, where one Cloud Strife rested in peace.

Many took the stand to pay their tributes and respects, some expected, others a complete surprise.

"He was an entertaining boy," Hojo said. He hardly looked saddened, just annoyed. It was still baffling regardless. "It was only three days ago that he was on one of my specimen's back, trying to subdue it and failing. An amusing sight, really."

Lazard took the stand next, and he gave Hojo a disdainful look. "Individuals who don't seem to know how to speak about the dead respectfully aside, losing Cloud Strife pierced my soul. We have lost a true gem, people." Sorrow written evidently on his features, he continued, "He made the best coffee."

From his seat, Hojo snorted. "And he dare say I'm the _disrespectful_ one…"

"You both are," Tseng said. Curiously enough, he didn't take the stand, letting Scarlet have it instead.

"He helped me reach breakthroughs, that's enough reason to remember him," Scarlet declared, her expression solemn.

Heidegger was the complete opposite. He started _sobbing,_ his words barely coherent, making everyone feel more than a little uncomfortable. He had to be escorted away from the stand before the scene dragged on even more than it already did.

Reeve came up next, his eyebrows still raised in reaction to Heidegger's display. He took a moment to clear his throat before he started, "Everyone was against Cait Sith's existence, even the janitors. Only Strife gave him a second glance, was actually interested in how he operated. My day became significantly less boring whenever Strife showed up with a question about engineering. Honestly, he was wasted as an infantryman." No one missed the purposeful look Reeve shot at Heidegger, or the glare and shouts Heidegger responded with.

Sephiroth took the stand next, cutting off whatever altercation that was about to start. "He was a friend. This is a… _tragic_ loss of human life," he said, and the looks Angeal and Genesis gave him were pure question marks, all while everyone else wondered why it sounded like Sephiroth was holding back a laugh. "Whoever caused his demise will pay." Immediately, everyone looked at President Shinra, who started to break into nervous sweating.

With that, the ceremony ended, and Cloud's casket was sealed forever.


	12. Chapter 12

so this is it. thank you so much for the support. when i first posted this, i never expected this reaction. it was such a pleasant surprise. i hope this will be up to at least half of your expectations

* * *

**Dishonorable Discharge**

The Master Plan

* * *

… or not.

At Midgar's isolated borders, a hearse slowed to a halt after successfully evading the eyes set upon it. The casket it contained was hurriedly brought out by four Turks, and before they reached out to open it, it slid open from the inside.

"I can see why Vincent thinks these things to be comfortable," Cloud mused aloud, sitting up, breaking into a smile when he took a cursory look at his surroundings, saw that Rufus was already there and waiting for him.

"Tell me, at what point in your funeral did you wake up?" Cloud's alleged funeral was the most interesting event Rufus had bothered to attend. It would be a shame if Cloud missed it out entirely.

"Just when Heidegger started sobbing," Cloud answered, stretching his legs after he got out of the casket. "I kinda feel bad about it."

"Don't be, it was hilarious." Rufus implored.

Shrugging, Cloud went on to business. "Anyway, you remember our deal, right?"

"I'll keep providing the insurances, allow the reassignment of the SOLDIERs who request it, have the Turks stop monitoring Ms. Gainsborough, allow Elena's withdrawl from the Turks if she chose to, and of course, have you fired. That's all, correct?" Rufus wouldn't lie, he did his part of Cloud's plan out of boredom and morbid curiosity. The fact that it _worked,_ that it caused such a colossal uprising against his father, made Rufus determined to fulfill his end of the deal. "Are you sure you don't want the Vice President seat?"

"Can you handle me as your competition?" Cloud shot back, obviously amused – not taking the question seriously at all. "No offense, but I'd rather be done with anything ShinRa."

"None taken…" It was awfully tragic how fixated Cloud was on leaving ShinRa, so much that he remained oblivious to the immense potential of his influence, how he could use it to reach a status beyond anyone's dreams. But Rufus wasn't going to be the one to enlighten him; Cloud was right after all, he would be competition, a_ very_ troublesome one.

"You're really something, Strife," Reno remarked, lightly punching Cloud's shoulder.

"All this time, and you wanted to get fired," Rude muttered by his side.

Tseng smirked, impressed. "It makes sense if you think about it."

Elena pushed Reno out of the way to embrace Cloud. "You actually made it, you beautiful bastard!" And then she went on to make Cloud promise to give her whatever new number he acquired, because she'd definitely be more done with everything with him out of the picture.

As they watched Cloud's retreating figure, Rufus wondered, "What is he going to do next?"

"Chocobo racing, sir," Elena answered. "He said he'll send me tickets to his first race."

_Of all the fields he could get into…_ Rufus regretted letting him go already; he never been so entertained in his life. "Ask him to send another card for me, will you?"

* * *

_A few weeks before the funeral..._

* * *

"Ah, it's you," was the first thing Rufus said when Cloud entered his office. It was impressive that he could recognize him despite the fact that Cloud wore his helmet. "Elena mentioned that you needed to meet me. What can I do for you?"

Cloud's reply was instantaneous, "I can make you this company's President."

Rufus raised an eyebrow, letting out a soft laugh. "And how are you planning to achieve that?" It was obvious he wasn't taking him seriously, but Cloud would prove him wrong.

He answered with the base of his plan, "Everyone adores me."

Seeing Rufus's confusion, Cloud went on to elaborate, make his conditions and terms clear.

* * *

The next step was informing Zack and Bill of his true ambitions of leaving this miserable place. "Sorry for not saying anything about it before…"

They didn't look upset or put out, just understanding and… _relieved?_

"That explains a whole lot," was Zack's response, Bill nodding along, his expression alight with realization.

_I didn't act too weird… did I?_ Regardless, it didn't matter now. He had a plan to establish. "Can I get your help?"

He was met with twin smiles, embraces, and hair-ruffling. For once, Cloud didn't mind it. "Aww, you can always depend on us for help, Cloud!"

In retrospect, that infantryman did have a solid point with the friendship thing.

* * *

Cloud was a little surprised when Sephiroth showed up upon calling him here; it wasn't like he made himself the most approachable person.

"When your mails stopped, I became worried." He smiled, the asshole. "They were a thing to look forward to. Throwing me off Nibelheim's old reactor for a Mako-induced demise_? Creative."_

Even before Elena took his PHS away, Cloud was running out of threats he could send Sephiroth. He asked for Abyss's help, but it proved to be useless. It turned out, Abyss and his partner knew Sephiroth and cared a great deal about him, were actually doing their best to keep in touch with him. It also turned out that Abyss's real name was_ Vincent_. It was honestly one shock after another.

"I decided to forgive you and welcome peace into my heart," Cloud started, every word leaving a sour aftertaste with the amount of bullshit it contained.

Sephiroth didn't look impressed. "You didn't. It's obvious you still despise me."

"_So fucking much…"_ Cloud sighed, relived to let his true feelings out. "But they say desperate times call for desperate measures and…" He couldn't believe he was doing this, but hate it as he might, he needed Sephiroth's help.

"And…?" Sephiroth gestured for him to continue on, intrigued.

"I'll help you. You and whoever you wanted, I'll help you get out of here."

Sephiroth stayed silent for what felt like an eternity before he asked, "What's the catch?"

"Nothing, just stick to the plan and we both are going to get what we want." And frankly, Cloud meant it. As much as he was all for vengeance, it wouldn't do him any good now.

"You really are desperate." Sephiroth chuckled, a little in disbelief, more in amusement and mirth. He was enjoying this. "What's your plan?"

It took Cloud his all to keep himself from punching that smug face. "Well, if there's one thing you fucking me over had given me, it's popularity…"

* * *

His plan was fairly simple.

Rufus would have Tseng make a fake mission request entailing Cloud's participation. Sephiroth would then take the request and hand it to President Shinra, distracting him as he signed it. The mission request would then reach Heidegger, and considering the mission's dangerous nature, involvement with AVALANCHE, and the high regard he had for Cloud, he'd call President Shinra to sway him off his agreement to send him. And although President Shinra would have no memory of agreeing to such mission, it would be far too tempting to get rid of Cloud, since he was the one who started the new development with insurance policies. Therefore, Heidegger would have no choice but to send Cloud.

Sometime later, Zack and Bill, who were written as assigned to the same mission as well, would arrive to the headquarters to inform Heidegger of his death. And with the Turks' help, procedures leading up to the funeral would go along swiftly. It wouldn't do to let it linger long enough for suspicions to arise; as much as a Sleep spell was convincing for the distant onlookers, it wouldn't hold out for long.

During the funeral and post it, Sephiroth would make public declarations about the one behind his death to fuel the employees' outrage, subtle at first and then clearer and clearer, until he'd openly take Rufus's side against the President.

Pressured by his employees' rebellion and increasing support for his son, President Shinra would have no choice but to hand the company to Rufus before everything he worked for fell apart.

A week hadn't passed since his funeral before Rufus was announced to be the new President. Cloud found it much nicer, _funnier_, to observe all this drama unfold from afar, see his plan coming to a fruition.

He'd lay low for now, until Rufus quieted down whispers about him. Only then could his new career begin.

* * *

_Two years later..._

* * *

Watching the ocean from the beach-view of his small but nicely-built house at the sunny Costa del Sol, Cloud sighed in contentment.

He really made it.


End file.
